Being someone with a mind that runs in overdrive 24/7, it’s difficult to fully get my thoughts down. Sometimes I wish that my mind could take a day to just be at ease, but then again, I probably wouldn’t have a blog dedicated to rambling about all my thoughts lol.
I’ve learned so much about myself these past couple of weeks, and I thought I’d share. For so long, I’ve felt a little lost. I let my mind run in circles, looking for ways to try to find myself again. Took me a while, but then I figured it out. All I needed was myself and time. When I took a step back from all the chaos in my life and saw things as the way they are, rather than what they should be, that’s when it all hit me. That’s when I learned to realize what kinds of things are worth fighting for.
People always told me that moving away from home would help you discover who you really are. But for me, it’s helped me rediscover the kind of person I was, and find the person I had lost. I felt, for so long, that the parts of myself that I loved the most were gone, but it was only temporarily lost. I found myself by choosing to take care of me and only me. There’s nothing in my life that I regret, and everything that has happened in my life, and everything that was put into my life, are lessons that fill chapters. And those are only parts of the entire book.
You outgrow things, places, and people. A concept that’s fairly simple, but took me a very long time to figure out. But being someone who cares too much, it’s hard to see things for how they are and deal with things accordingly. Things that had value in my life, turn to things that have lost meaning. People who I cherished, exhausted me. And places that I adored, are places I’ve left behind.
Life was much bigger and better than the negativity that I let linger for so long. Opportunities arise only when you allow the good to stay. Through all of the sadness, heartache, and confusion: family, best friends, and myself have been the farthest thing from temporary. That’s the kind of love that’s made it easier to determine what’s worth fighting for. Some things are not meant to be forever. Some things are left unsaid. And some things are meant to be left behind. But that’s life. Not everyone you meet is meant to stay. Not everyone is going to love you. Not everyone will understand you the way you want them to.
Think about it like your closet. Your favorite outfit changes from time to time because certain things go in and out of “style”, they don’t appeal to you, or it no longer fits. But it’s important to look for timeless pieces that will hold a permanent spot on the hanger. We all tend to clean out our closets and rid of things that we’ve outgrown, whether it be size or style, but we know to keep the pieces that are essential and still serve a purpose. It’s important to know what’s worth keeping, and what’s ready to be given for other people to cherish.
Something that I learned about myself is that I’m the type of person who feels everything too much, as my heart is always the first to the scene every time. I’m the type who gets overwhelmed and burnt out faster than others, who needs alone time to sort out my thoughts. The type who rushes into love, hurries into guilt and runs into hate.
“We’re the feelers in a world of rational thinkers.”
For a while, I thought wearing my heart on my sleeve had been more of a curse than a blessing. I felt as though my tendency to care too much about things, ultimately, hurt me more than it had uplifted me. I’d ask myself why I would constantly put others needs above mine without hesitation. But I realized that’s something I admire about myself. It has helped me keep an open mind and a ready heart. It has taught me to go the extra mile, to care endlessly for the ones I love, and stand firmly for what I believe in. It’s a gift to care abundantly. But that’s the thing with wearing your heart on your sleeve, you feel every emotion wholeheartedly, and with that, you feel pain and sadness just as heavy as you’d feel love and joy.
I let the wrong things consume me because it felt cruel to let things go. I lost myself looking for comfort in the wrong things, when the only thing I truly needed was to trust myself. To trust the part of me that told me when to end a certain chapter and to start a new one. The part of me that told me there’s more to my life than that feeling of settling. The part of me that told me to find the person I was, before I had let life’s battles engulf me. From this, I’ve become so much more confident, so much more trusting, and so much kinder to myself. There is a sense of liberation when we channel the courage to walk away from the people and the things that are not meant for us. Knowing that falling out of love with the wrong people and things make more room in your heart to love the right ones more.
We all deserve to have people in our lives that are both our safe place, and our biggest adventure. We all deserve to feel whole and happy. And maybe, just maybe, the glass isn’t half empty, but half full. I hope you all can take something out of this blog post, and I hope my thoughts can spark something inside of you the way it had sparked something inside of me.
Ignite your spark,
Thanks for reading, xoxo.