It’s Not About The What Ifs

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You know when you play out different scenarios in your head? Situations where you wish you could have said this instead of that. Times where you wish you could turn back in time to clear the board and start all over again. Moments where you knew you let your emotions wrongly alter your actions because you thought it felt right at the time. But in those moments, the aftermath taught you, grew you, and healed you. The result of those actions brought you to where you are today. 

It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize that nobody is capable of always giving others reactions they want to receive, answers they want to hear, and emotions they want to feel. We’re human. To be human is to go above our roots and become the best versions of ourselves by falling and rising.

The truth is: life was designed for you to break expectations and suffer broken ones. To give hurt, and receive it.

          There’s more to life than getting lost in the “What If’s”. There is no way to live your life in this very moment when you’re not progressing from and accepting the past. Let your hurt strengthen you. Let your losses become your lessons. 

I’ve always struggled with dwelling too much on past moments. Replaying in my head scenarios that I wish I could’ve handled differently, or wondering why these things happened the way they did. But it took time for me to fully allow myself to understand the notion: it is what it is. Forgive those who hurt you. Forgive yourself for being so hard on yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t always require you to agree with someone, but it does require understanding.

Understand that situations will not always turn in your favor. That nobody is responsible for your own happiness. So don’t expect so much from people, when the only thing you can control is you. Stop worrying about the past because tomorrow will come even if you spend hours on the past and wishing things were different.

          I read this book and something that really resonated with me was when it said that everything in the past happens in the present. Really think of that. EVERY moment in the past happens in the now. The past has happened, and the future will arrive in the present moment. In reality, the future and the past don’t exit. It’s all in our heads. This moment, This is what’s real. Don’t let the moments of today be consumed in worries about what happened 2 months ago because the only thing you are able to control is how you handle life as it is in this moment. Reflect on past struggles, past hurt, past situations, then let them go. Don’t be consumed in the what if’s and searching for answers on why things played out the way they did because it may take time for these ‘reasons’ to arise. 

          Let go of all the expectations that are holding heavy over your shoulders. These disappointments and difficulties will always accompany you, reflect and learn from them instead of creating an enemy out of them. You know, life has no clear beginning, middle, and end so take every moment and make it yours. Nobody can live your life better than you can, so be kind to yourself. Be kind to others, and take every setback and turn it into a lesson.

Life unfolds in the present. 

          Most negative thoughts concern worries about the past and the future. When you’re more mindful of what’s happening right now you are more likely to take things at face value, rather than letting your ego respond automatically. Be aware of your thoughts, because they do not define you. Be with your thoughts, neither grasping at them nor pushing them away. The what ifs and the overthinking will subside when you allow yourself to indulge in where you are right now. Enjoy it.

Ignite your spark,

Thanks for reading, xoxo.

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